Be Brave, It Takes Time to Find a Voice

I hit 'Post' and immediately felt a knot in my stomach. The thing about the internet, and life, is that saying anything worthwhile usually means risking offense. My latest Instagram reel, where I pointed out a noticed East vs. West Coast difference, made me feel vulnerable. Why? Because we live in a world where everything can be a trigger.

It's time to normalize saying things that might rub someone the wrong way, and it's even more time to normalize not getting offended by everything.

The reel called people out in the south for being offended if people don't go out of their way to help out or make people feel good. When I watched the video back, I wondered if I should post it because it could offend someone. 

Then I posted it. Check it out HERE.

I fear that in just a short time, I myself have slipped back into that concern of 'will what I say offend someone.' I may not have said all the right words, but I believe my message gets across of noticeable differences between regions and personalities. I choose not to wait for perfectionism to share a message. 

The entire monologue came about after being out for the day and hearing people (strangers) again and again make this big gesture as they go by. One that really stood out was a gentleman who called my mom "sugar" and asked her if she needed help with her chair lift on the car. I'm sure he meant well, but it was an over the top gesture for something that my mom worked hard to have independence to do herself. This man probably did not consider that gesture would be a sign of disrespect, but the demeaning feeling is there for the independent woman just trying to get groceries. 

Another instance that spurred this video was some interactions at a store that I am curious to work for. I heard a tone from a manager to her employees that sent fire down my spine. I know nothing about her or the ones she was talking to, so I make no long-term judgments. However, I wondered in that moment if it was a place that I wanted to be. When I asked about my application status at the front (to a different and very cheerful employee) she answered that applications were being reviewed. 

That is a fine answer, and I appreciate that she knew enough to tell me that much, especially since another person does the hiring. Still, I found myself being short and very ready to get out the door. Then I started thinking about how that response could have been interpreted. She could have gotten offended by me. 

One of the things that frustrated me in the Park Service was that we were told that it didn't matter how things are, only how they look. I strongly disagreed with that statement. For example, when the government started dismantling our staff and opening even more campgrounds (which we could not upkeep or clean), we were supposed to smile and say everything was great. 

I believe authenticity is a better answer. However, it could offend some. Which brings this argument full circle from the ones being offended and the ones offending. It also connects this concept to the west coast since I worked in California. Thus, what I first pointed to be a regional response, is more of a personality response. 

I grew up in the south with this unconscious thought that people were rude or that I was somehow doing it wrong if they were short or didn't reply. Once I got to Seattle, I had a shock factor in how people interacted with each other. Now that I'm back in the south, it's a shock all over again.  

In the end, neither assumption is accurate. It is our perception. If we believe someone is slighting us, we get offended. If we take time to consider what they are saying then we can decide if it is true or not. If it is true then there's something to learn. If it's not true, then it doesn't matter anyway. 

Deciding what matters or not is one thing that I learned during my breast cancer journey. So many things that we get offended by don't matter in the end. They can affect our mood or even our decisions, but only if we let it. Even more important to remember, you never know what people are going through. And people are not going to know what you are going through. 

We are all trying to make sense of a world that is confusing and ever changing. At the end of the day, I can only be true to myself. And remind myself that nothing is permanent, to not take everything so personally, and to be brave enough to share my thoughts even if I know someone is not going to like what I have to say. 

It’s not easy to be brave. In fact, it requires two incredibly difficult things: the awareness that we could be wrong and the courage to say something anyway.

I felt that tension acutely when I posted this reel. It felt like a simple observation about a big difference between the East and West Coast, but upon further contemplation, I realized that initial conclusion was only part of the whole story.

Do I regret posting the reel? No. It gave me an opportunity to explore even more about what I am experiencing and feeling. It is only part of the story, but it is part of the story. Why would I regret sharing my story? Keep listening. It takes time to find a voice. It is worth risking offense for the sake of honesty, and building the resilience to choose awareness over anger.

Saying things in a public space means there is always the risk of offending someone. Yet, I refuse to be silenced by that fear. I continue to believe that authenticity will prevail.